Three Insane StarFox Tales
by TheCrazyPerson44
Summary: Krystal ended up on a planet full of singing mushroom people? That's what really happened to her? A snow monster is on board the Great Fox Mothership? Fox still enjoys eating cheese? What the heck is all this? Find out and enjoy! Oh, and Wolf O' Donnel starts a restaurant. Sort of.


What the heck happened to Krystal?

"You ever find out what happened to that-that-that blue vixen?" asked Peppy.  
"She flew away in a huff over something a long time ago. It was partly my fault" said Fox, sipping tomato soup.  
"Yeah, I suppose it could have been. I wish we knew where she was though. I hope she's okay" said Peppy.  
"Me too, me too. Try not to bring it up too much, it's a soft spot" said Fox.  
"Sorry Fox. Fox, do you remember when me and your dad would play Tennis on Fortuna?" asked Peppy.  
"Dad? DAD? That's another soft spot!" said Fox.  
"Oh. Yeah, I guess I'll just leave. No one likes me anymore" said Peppy.

"No, no calm down!" said Fox.

"Have you seen the stuff on Youtube making fun of the things I say? Have you?" asked Peppy.

"They're not making fun of you, they're honoring you. Not everyone knows how to do every type of barrel roll there is" said Fox.

"Yeah, well, I'm no fun anymore" said Peppy.  
"Peppy that's not true. I just didn't wanna talk about those things" said Fox."Just be gettin' my coat then. And my shoes. And my jukebox" said Peppy.  
"DO-NOT-TAKE-THE-JUKEBOX!" said Fox, lunging towards Peppy. The impact of Fox's grip on Peppy sent him flying  
off into space.  
"Oh great, another team member lost. I'm getting in my Arwing and chasing after him, the radar is sure to pick him up"  
said Fox.  
"What's wrong Fox?" asked Slippy.  
"Slipster the Hipster? Set a course for whatever weird planet Peppy is heading towards" suggested Fox.

"NO! Don't do that! I'd rather die!" said Falco.

"What?" asked Fox.

"Nothing, nothing. Wing blabbit!" said Falco, muttering jibberish SNES speech

Later...

Fox and Slippy landed on a strange planet. It looked like a green paradise but there were literally nine moons, ten  
suns, and giant mushrooms everywhere.  
"Where are we? I don't think I've ever been here before" said Fox.  
"I just picked up a sign Fox. Ribbit!" said Slippy.  
"A sign?" asked Fox.  
"Yeah. You know what it says?" asked Slippy.

Fox read the sign:

YOU ARE IN ANOTHER DIMENSION.  
YOU'RE ALSO ON PLANET FAJOOZLEWOOZLE.

"Planet Fajoozlewoozle. I'll be a muskrat's sister. Wow" said Fox.  
"Fox, that's not how the expression goes. HEY. LOOK!" said Slippy pointing in the distance. There was Peppy sitting  
on a toadstool table. Fox and Slippy began waving and signalling for him.  
"Huh? Wha-what? You guys? Didja make pancakes?" asked Peppy.  
"No. Peppy we followed you here because we didn't want to lose you" said Fox.  
"Nobody cares about me" said Peppy.  
"That's what Krystal thought. And that wasn't true either" said Fox.  
"Fox you're never ga-go-gonna believe this!" said Slippy. A giant glowing snowy white alien with beaming red eyes  
picked up Fox and Slippy. Then he picked up Peppy.  
"GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEB! GREEB!" said the alien.  
"Put us down!" shouted Fox. The tall space alien tossed Fox, Slippy, and Peppy clear across to the other side of the  
planet. They landed in a bizzare woodsy area. And to their surprise-low and behold-there was none other than Krystal.  
"KRYSTAL! You're still alive" said Fox. Krystal was playing chess with a strange mushroom being. Several mushroom  
beings were singing various songs and jumping about, whilst transforming into floating pancakes from time to time.  
"We are the Pancake Mushrooms. We are the Pancake Mushrooms. Join us and sing a song of joy for all! YAY!" sang  
the pancake mushrooms.  
"I am a pancake mushroom, I am a pancake mush...room!" sang Krystal. She then passed out on the toadstool table.  
"You have not finished your chess yet, Miss. Should I win for you?" asked the mushroom.  
"They're singing again. We should switch to Go Fish again" suggested Krystal.  
"What the heck is the deal with this place?" asked Fox.  
"You tell me you bloody crumpet biscuits! You're the one paying the rent!" said Krystal, speaking nonsense.  
"Krystal that is completely unintelligible. Learn the Kings Corneriesh" said Peppy

"Maybe she's the Mushroom Princess now! Princess Toadstool!" suggested Falco.

"Shut up Falco!" said Fox.

"I have a telepathic connection with these fungi and I'm trying to sort out my sanity" said Krystal.

"Cool!" said Falco.

"There's no place like home, there's no place like home!" said Krystal, tapping her feet together hoping it would really work.

"Krystal! We can take you home!" said Fox.

"It worked? Peppy? Fox? Slippy? WHAT? You're all here? OH, PEPPY YOU DON'T KNOW HOW GLAD I AM TO SEE YOU!" said Krystal,  
hugging Peppy, much to his shock.  
"Well, I'm-I'm-I'm not sure who you are" said Peppy.  
"Oh. FOX! Fox you no good ruffian I've missed you so much" said Krystal, leaving Peppy and hugging him.  
"Yeah. So why did you run towards Peppy?" asked Fox.  
"I-I-I-I'm not thinking clearly Fox. These mushroom bandits as they call themselves-they keep singing. SINGING!  
S-I-N-G-I-N-G!" said Krystal in a worried tone. Fox suddenly realized the song "Twilight Zone" by Golden Earring was being played on Krystal's smartphone.  
"Yeah? So what?" asked Fox. Suddenly, the colors of the forest began changing and everything went pitch black.  
"Now do you see? This place makes you go insane! Everything will be okay. Hop into my ship!" said Krystal.  
"You had a ship here the whole time?" asked Fox.  
"You don't want to know what really happened to me. I'll explain later!" said Krystal.

They all got in the Cloudrunner, blew up the Arwing for no reason whatsoever and GOT THE HELL OFF OF THAT PLANET.

They decided to stop by Aquas to go fishing. But Fox and Slippy somehow sent themselves out the airlock and only Peppy  
and Krystal made it to Aquas.  
"So, Peppy, do you come here often?" asked Krystal.  
"Sure. Blue marlins love this place" said Peppy.  
"Oh? And what's that?" asked Krystal.  
"A kind of fish" said Peppy.  
"Oh. And do you catch many?" asked Krystal. Peppy reeled in a gigantic Lylatian monster fish.  
"Yes. And sometimes more than I bargained for. We're gonna be eatin' good tonight Krystal" said Peppy.  
Just then Fox and Slippy fell from the sky.  
"Ugh, just in the middle of our trip" said Krystal.  
"You two have been fishing for ten hours" said Fox.  
"We must have missing time. Feels like it's been only a few minutes" said Peppy.  
"Time flies when you're having fun!" said Krystal giving Fox a thumbs up.  
"Uh-huh. So I hear" said Fox, who seemed jealous.  
"Are you going to have us court-martialed now? Just for fishing?" asked Krystal.  
"No. But an alien attacked Slippy and he just turned into a pile of slime again. He might need the bucket" said Fox.

The Sleepy Snow Beast of Planet Fichina:

Fox and the gang had been staying on a snowy planet. That planet was known as Fichina.  
"Hoo. I'm beat guys. I think I'm gonna head for bed" said Peppy.  
"Alright then. Goodnight Peppy!" said Krystal.  
"Yeah, goodnight gramps!" said Fox.  
"Well, what are we gonna do now?" asked Slippy.  
"Let's roll some...dice!" said Fox.  
"Do a dice roll!" said Slippy. Krystal groaned.  
"Hmmm, funny," said Krystal.

One hour of dice rolling later...

The eyes of Fox, Krystal, and Slippy were all red.  
"Is this game supposed to be fun yet?" asked Krystal.  
"That's-that's a good question Krystal. I'm sure it'll...happen!" said Fox, passing out. Krystal passed out, next  
to Fox. Slippy passed out in front of a large jar of mollasses.

"Do-do-do you hear something?" asked Krystal. She nudged Fox, but there was no response. She felt scared.  
"Sla-sla-slippy? Slippy! Slippy do you-oh, it's no use you're all asleep!" said Krystal. She heard large and loud  
footsteps through the halls of the ship that could not have been made by any of their fellow teammates.  
"Oh no, what if it's an abominable snow monster. That would be sodding stupid" said Krystal

Later...

"It's just the snowhorn wastes mammoth. Just a mastadon who likes M&M's and cough drops. That's all!" said Krystal, who was freezing. She wished  
she still had her staff but she had lost it on a planet full of talking singing mushrooms. The footsteps got increasingly  
louder until Krystal could take it no more. She curled up next to Fox.  
"PROTECT ME!" shouted Krystal.  
"Huh? Oh, just press Z or R twice on the crystal nob. Yeah sure. More cheese absoloutely!" said Fox. Krystal was confused.  
"Fox, it's me, Krystal!" said Krystal.  
"Hi Krys-Kryssstull. Krystaalll" said Fox, groggy.  
"Yes. Fox I need a hug" said Krystal. Fox turned over and hugged Krystal very tightly.  
"Fox?" said Krystal.  
"Yeah, heck yeah, just you and me on Titania's moon, Krystal. That'd be swell" said Fox.  
"Fox, I can barely breathe" said Krystal.  
"Huh? WhaT? Oh, sorry Krystal I was asleep" said Fox.  
"Fox, there's a monster on our ship. I'm sure of it" said Krystal.  
"Ya checked yer Spacebook profile lately? There's a lot of monsters on it" said Fox.  
"No, Fox, this is serious!" said Krystal.  
"A ma-ma-ma-MONSTER? WHAAAAT!" screamed Slippy. Fox and Krystal were sent flying towards the walls of the ship  
from the impact of Slippy's screams.  
"Oh for the love of barrel rolls, Slippy calm down. Krystal and I were just enjoying a nightmare together" said Fox.  
"What? What are you talking about Fox?" asked Krystal.  
"I dunno. Anyway there are no ghosts it's all about Krystal. Everything's all about Krystal" said Fox.  
"I'm the only sensible person here. I'm going to go face him myself. Might be one of Andross's giant robots" said  
Krystal.  
"Andross-is such a mean...metal face...thing. He wasn't very fond of my dad" said Fox.  
"Fox, stop it. You're not making sense" said Krystal.  
"I'm not making sense? You're the one saying there's a monster on our ship" said Fox. Suddenly the sliding doors  
opened and there was the monster...

PEPPY HARE? Yes, it was Peppy controlling a giant walking device designed to scope out the types of life that live  
on certain planets. But Peppy was controlling it in his sleep.  
"PEPPY! You're sleepwalking Peppy. Wake up!" said Krystal. Peppy fired a laser at the wall, barely missing Fox  
and Krystal.  
"You guys realize it was Slippy that built that thing!" said Fox.  
"Slippy, don't listen to him we all love you!" said Krystal, picking up Slippy and kissing him on the cheek several  
times. Fox fired his blaster at the robot and it disintegrated. Peppy woke up.  
"Oh man. You guys, I had the most incredible dream. I was controlling this new gizmo Slippy made and I was fighting  
Andross on the moon of Mars-what's it called? Phobos!" said Peppy.  
"We know. We know. We certainly know!" said Fox.  
"Now do you see what I was fussing about?" said Krystal.  
"Let's all just go back to sleep" suggested Fox.  
"I wanted a bedtime story" said Slippy, who was covered in mollasses.

"You just gave us one" said Fox.

"It's the real monster!" said Peppy.

Fox Becomes Addicted to Cheese 2019 Edition:

It wasn't any old ordinary day. Fox had gone outside to pay-to pay a visit to Admiral Z's House of Cheese.  
A place of solitude, sanctity, and a panoramic view of palm trees. But Admiral Z's had apparently been shut down.  
This gave Fox quite the sad frown. Then Wolf came by to cheer him up.  
"We'll start our own restaurant, cheer up old pup" said Wolf.  
"Wolf, I loved that place. It meant so much to me. Even seeing Krystal's face doesn't quite compare, I need to go in  
there and sample their ware" said Fox.  
"Nah-nah, can't let you do that Star Fox. We're gonna have a blast making a cheesy Fort Knox!" said Wolf.

Wolf and a crew of workers built a restaurant, and after some legal work and boring stuff they had it all set up,  
prepped, and READY TA GO.  
"Okay, Fox now look at the walls," said Wolf giving Fox a good look of the joint. "Inspirational sayings, get my point?"  
"The inspirational sayings are stupid. Maybe make it look like Christmas with Donner and Cupid?" said Fox.  
"No no Fox. The sayings are fine. You just miss the cheese, and the shipment is coming, it'll be divine" said Wolf.

The sayings on the wall in Wolf's Warehouse of Cheese:

Can't let you chew that, Star Fox (while showing a visual list of competing restaurants)

When the time comes, don't hesitate, eat cheese.

Like our nachos? Let's see how you handle our new chips.

Too bad Dad's not here to eat our kale!

"Now ya see? The sayings are wise, noble, and good. They could have been written by...uhh...ROBIN HOOD!" said Wolf.  
"Oh please, I just wanna try the cheese" said Fox.  
"It's delicious, here have a bite. Lighten up will ya? We don't have to fight" said Wolf.

But later...Fox was taken to a hospital. The cheese was so bad he was dying. Slippy, Peppy, Falco, and even  
Wolf were by his side.  
"Fox, I brought you flowers" said Slippy.  
"Thanks Slip, but I didn't need it. There's only one thing that won't make me sneeze, and that's a big block of cheddar,  
my favorite cheese" said Fox.  
"Cheese nearly killed ya, ya sorry old sap. Sorry I gave that to ya, it wasn't a trap" said Wolf.  
"Shut up Wolf, you silly wackjob. Fox, I'm sorry you were a cheese addicted slob" said Peppy.  
"It's alright Peppy. I wanna know the truth-is this what my father went through?" asked Fox.  
"He did, he did at times. He was like you times ten billion, makes you almost innocent of cheese related crimes" said Peppy. Just then Nurse Krystal came into the room. And Fox couldn't help but smile, though he faced certain doom.  
"I love you Fox," said Krystal with a tear in her eye. "I can't let this happen, I won't let you die" she added.  
Krystal kissed Fox.  
"Thanks Krystal, you just made me blush. But please, stay here, no need to rush" said Fox.  
"I will Fox, I will. You'll be okay. Just as soon as you have this-okay?" said Krystal.

It was cheese alright and Fox had had enough of most. But this kind was special. Magical blue cheese empowered by god knows  
what. And Fox finally got out of his rut!

Fox jumped from his death bed alive as could be. He rushed out of the building feeling renewed and free.  
"I'm a new man," said Fox sniffing the air. "What does the fox say? Cheese and love don't compare!"

THE END


End file.
